This image has been around for a while, but in case you haven't seen it before, I present it to you now. I've made the table below out of the image for easier reading, with two additions to make it more relevant to some of my clients.
| What is said | Actual meaning |
|---|---|
| It has long been known | I didn't look up the original reference |
| A definite trend is evident | The data are practically meaningless |
| While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions | An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published |
| Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study | The other results didn't make any sense |
| Typical results are shown | This is the prettiest graph |
| These results will be in a subsequent report | I might get around to this sometime, if published/funded |
| A careful analysis of obtained data | Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer (or teh ;)) |
| After additional study by my colleagues | They didn't understand it, either |
| Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiement and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions | Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant |
| A highly significant area for exploratory study | A totally useless topic selected by my commmittee/supervisor/professor |
| In my experience | Once |
| In case after case | Twice |
| In a series of cases | Three times |
| It is believed that | I think |
| It is generally believed that | A couple of others think so, too |
| Correct within an order of magnitude | Wrong |
| According to statistical analysis | Rumour has it |
| It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs | I don't understand |
| A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings | A wild guess |
| It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigations in this field | I quit |